Back on the Wagon.....Well, deciding to buy a ticket on the love train?!??!!

As I woke up this morning at FOUR O'CLOCK (I really do love you, Mister! It is my day off!!!) just to go to the gym together before headed out on his weekly "this is what we have to do right now." journey, I realized that we have started to be in a complacent and unpleasant weekend rut. I moan about his absence all week and then when he is home on the weekend, I catch myself in my silly, pity party about how much I do (So true!), how overworked I am (Completely unfair!), how unbelievable tired I am (I am sure due to the overwork!), and frankly just about life in general. Can I get an AMEN?!??!?! Then I began to realize how completely "un-fun", "un-pleasant", and just quite frankly "un-sexy" my attitude must be for the poor man gone all week.

Let me give you a typical Sunday evening scenario.
Mister and I get home from the gym. Mister is complaining about the new church time. I am tired of hearing about this time wondering how he feels I can change the situation. Now I am angry because already my attempt at being a better Christian has changed due to said conversation. Mister and I discuss dinner options. ("What do you want for dinner?" "I don't care, what do you want?" Question proposed to Little Man and Biz, "What would you like for dinner?" "We don't care." "How about taco's?" "No, we don't want that?" "What then?" "We don't care, really." Hum...see the pattern?This goes on for literally minutes.) So I cook dinner. I beg and plead with said Children and Mister to clean up the kitchen. Mister and Children pick up kitchen while Mom/Wife/ME does the laundry and packs Misters suitcase. Then I go behind Mister and Children to clean the kitchen again. Mister asks me, "What's wrong?" I say, "Nothing. It is fine." Mister says "OK." I internally curse at Mister for not wiping the counters, unloading the dishwasher, and oh ya, by the way, why am I required to do all the laundry? Mister sits down and rough houses with the children completely unaware of my internal monologue. Mister asks me, "Ready to go to bed?" Finally I have had enough and I explode, "Why do you not do anything around here?!?!?" Mister...."Um, what did I do this time?" I realize I have overreacted.......again. Mister sighs and ultimately forgives me....once again.

Does this happen to you or am I the only crazy Wife/Mom on this Earth? Our schedules can make it so difficult not to focus on the smallest of things sometimes and today I realized that if I can write this event down verbatim, that it possibly happens WAY to often in our house. I need to learn from our Sunday evening ritual so I won't beat myself up about it all week just to do it again before Mister leaves. Wouldn't that be freeing? To just learn and stop the madness? How does that quote go, "Doing the same thing will only create the same results." or something like that. So right now, I proclaim to the blogiverse, I am going to rededicate myself (and the Mister, but he doesn't know it yet!) to treating our marriage and family time like what it is and should be...at the risk of sounding all disco...ish, We Are FAMILY! Sometimes, when you've been together as long as we have, maybe it is normal to be more like roommates than Husband and Wife. Then add kids to the mix and maybe, just maybe we get lost.....
NO MORE I SAY!
So, today my focus is on our marriage and the vows we made many moons ago. Wish me luck!!!

Want to join ?

ToDaY

Today I woke up tired....again

I did make it to the gym for a great chat with my sis/friend. Love you Tam!

Today I tried to wear something different than my outfit that I have worn for several years in class pictures. (Oh my! Please someone! Take me shopping!!!)

Today I sat and chatted with my students while they painted their carp kites. I didn't care. I didn't even think about curriculum, schedules and/or IRI. I just enjoyed them looking for their "chapsticks and saying Kung Who Fat Roy." (Chopsticks and Gung Hay Fat Choy)

Today my heart smiled when my kids called me when they got home and I loved them even more!!! I can't believe they are ours. God has blessed us in ways I would have never asked and we are so lucky to have them and be a part of their lives. What a gift! I was reminded of that gift today.

Today my soul feels hungry.

It needs nourishment and much more than the just getting by.

Today I wanted parents to know that I love teaching. I love working and learning alongside their kids. That I am not there for tenure, time off or extra pay. I just want to do my job and be there to start 5 year olds on the right track, love school and know that there is someone in their corner. That I can/will teach them all they need to know if they will trust me and walk alongside me.

Today I enjoyed taking my Bug to school and being her bus driver. I realize the day is coming soon when I will no longer be needed and I will miss that part of my/our life.

Today I left my house in awe of my mom and how strong she is and how much I need her. I never would have thought and never could have dreamed but she means the world to me.

Today I sang as loud as I could on my way home. Old songs, new songs and even some help my soul songs. I felt like a Rockstar! (Then I missed my old drink.)

Today I found out a friend might not be next door to me anymore and my heart hurt. I can't possibly know how I will handle working without her beside me.

I contemplated moving to another school to be with her.

Today would be better if Mister were home.

He is fun and funny and fantastic and every other amazing word that apparently starts with F.

I miss him. I can't wait for this time in our lives to be over.

Just a few things I did today. What did you do today?